A moment ago as I sat in my chair,
came a sight I never have seen.
I looked at my toast and what I beheld, 
was the smallest, most perfect sardine.

Her body was shapely and shiny with oil 
and her eyes they invited me in.
Stretched out on the bread, my petit ingenue 
with her brain the size of a pin. 

I set down my paper, adjusted my vest, 
cleared my throat, and gave her a wink.
Said: "hello little darling. How do you do? 
I'm quite smitten with you, I think." 

They say that true love is priceless. 
They say it will better your life.
So I dropped to one knee, right there and then, 
and took this fish for my wife. 

It would've been quite the wedding,
she in her miniature gown.
But tragedy struck, when imagine my luck,
I gobbled my sweetheart right down. 

Casual Fridays: Walking tall against the rain.

Hi guys, it's Britt. 
When I'm feeling heavy, there are two things that get me through. Hot sauce and sisters. There isn't really a day that goes by that I'm not grateful for the existence of both. In my experience, they are best combined. A good bean and cheese burrito, and some major laughs.

What about you? What lifts that rock off your heart? 

Have a habenero kinda weekend, story-makers. See you back here on Monday. 
xo Britt
p.s.  this link is especially for you, Aly and Rach. Turn it up loud. I love you.

Dear Santa:
Last year I hid in the fur under Doogie's left ear and watched the family open presents on Christmas morning. Even Doogie joined in, barking and tearing at the wrapping paper. They were all so happy. I've never wanted something as much as I wanted to be a part of that.

Santa, I know you don't exactly bring presents to fleas. But I'm hoping you'll make an exception. I've been such a good parasite this year. I only ever suck Doogie's blood on Fridays now, and I do my best not to make him itch. So here is my Christmas Wish List: 

1. The Hunger Games box set

2. a girlfriend

3. a new pillow (preferably down-filled)

4. walkie-talkies

5. Anti-Hero "Classic Eagle" skateboard 

6. fresh bald patch with a nice view (sorry, Doogie.) 

7. a friend to play walkie talkies with. 

8. to possibly grow bigger, or be able to jump further this year.

9. pair of Numark TT500 dj turntables.

10. a cat

Thank you, Santa. 

Love: Roy 

Casual Fridays: Good News!!

My nephew Charlie doesn't have anything to do with this. I'm just in love with him.

Hi guys, it's Britt. 
Check it out! Good News Toronto. Whoot.
xo Britt

My name is 20. There are 19 others just like me. People who aren't really people. I can't tell you what I'm made of. That's classified information. 

Alright. My data processor tells me it's safe to share the truth with you. I'm constructed of poylmer, and highly advanced synthetic jelly silicon. 

I look just like a man. See these Doritos here? I don't need them. I don't need to eat at all. But I do eat. I eat a lot just to keep up my disguise. And I don't need clothes. CR4000s don't feel heat, or cold. My sweatpants and t-shirt are just to fit in with humans. I don't sleep either. I watch a lot of Family Guy at night, for research. 

What's that? You want me to get off your bus? 

You're making a big mistake, man. I've got incredible strength. This fist here isn't really a fist, it's a deadly weapon. I could rip out your heart in one second. And I'd laugh. I'd laugh while holding onto your still-beating, dripping heart. But I won't do that because with great power, comes great responsibility. That's what I always say.

But really. Imagine a cyborg ninja, and then imagine a tyrannosaurus rex and you'll start to get the idea.

You're calling Transit Authority now? Oh. I see. I'm no longer safe. If The Organization finds me, I will be taken back to the lab and destroyed.

Fine. I'm getting off here. But not because you're trying to intimidate me. I'm choosing to exit this bus, because I need to find a safe place to wait until the world is ready for me.

Don't tell me to get home safe. And don't call me Jim.

My name isn't Jim. It's 20.